Not Caring

I wrote about having a makeup hiatus a little bit ago. Shortly after, it kind of became an everything hiatus. More of a "I-don't-care-what-I-look-like" spree. How it turned into that is not important, what matters is that it did. I didn't wear makeup, I didn't care what clothes I wore, I didn't care who saw (for the most part).

And let me tell you, it was great.

I would wear sweaters and pajamas to school everyday. In the mornings after breakfast, I would comb my hair and brush my teeth and be out the door.

Being a ninja after class around 8-9pm on a typical day.

I wore teensy bits of makeup sometimes~

This is a bit weird to be writing on a mostly beauty blog. But I want to let anyone who cares to read this know that the time and thought I saved to not pick out clothes or think about whether or not I looked good that day, everyday, was so freeing. It was like a burden had been lifted. All throughout high school, even as being a education-driven student, school seemed to be a social-educational combination. While I didn't think it at the time, it really was, at least, compared to how I feel it is now, in college. We cared so much about how we look, and it does various things for our self-esteem. Wearing makeup in high school made me feel more confident, and if that's how you feel, too, then that's great. But for me, there came to be a time where I had no more motivation.

That time meshed with the time where I had to pay for tuition, instead of using the program that provided free college classes while I was still in high school.  And school that costs money changes things. I felt the pressure to need to get good grades, not just want them. Especially since I'm applying to a very competitive program. While I already focused on school before, I felt like my best wasn't good enough. I needed to reevaluate my study habits all over again. Among those decisions I made was saving time in the mornings and nights to not apply/remove makeup or think about outfits. To use nearly all of my time to study and prepare for classes, and the rest of the time for doing things that I truly wanted to do.

It's true, you can look good without much effort. It felt a bit like being lazy, only trying to pass as presentable. But for me, saving even that little effort for times that count seem better, not for classes. Granted, I was only in classes for a few hours at a time before going home and back to another class. But in part, it helped made all the difference. All 4.0s for the first time in my 8 quarters of college. (I changed my career path which is why I kind of needed to start over.) In all science classes too, which is the subject I detest the most.

After everything, without realizing it, I felt so much more focused on everything that I needed and wanted to do. I also had become partial to the natural look.

And even without the not caring what I looked like part, I was able to talk to more people in my classes than before. Being able to feel confident in your own skin without the aid of material things can open your eyes to how you deserve to have higher self-esteem.

Maybe make this part of your new year resolution. If you were anything like I was, try taking a day to not try so hard to look nice. It's like adding time to your day. Maybe you'll like it, maybe you won't. It's been amazing for me. I still adore makeup and fashion, I just no longer feel the need to express myself through my appearance daily. If I choose to, I feel I can express myself enough through what I say and do.

this is been a wordheavy post
TL;DR looking like sh*t feels awesome

<3 San